I don’t know why but today I was very depressed. Nothing unusual happened, I’m not worried about anything but periodically I go into a deep impression. It usually lasts only for a day and then the next morning I wake up and I realize I have no reason to feel that way. I guess I start to think of all the mistakes I’ve made through the years and how I wish that I could undo them. I know I can’t but sometimes the memories hurt so much. I think to myself that I’m not going to make any more mistakes but I still do. I start to think about Steven and how I watched him try to destroy himself with drugs. What kind of mother does that? I’ll tell you what kind! A mother who was so in denial about what was going on around her and even when he told me he was just going to visit friends that I actually believed him or should I say I wanted to believe him so much. I’m so glad that that part of my life is over. I’ll never forget those days. I wish I could but I can’t. So periodically I go in to a bit of depression and this was one of those days.